She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize