you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
