I bet he comes in French.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
