i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
