you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
