He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
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