He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
