peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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