How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
