Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
My life is pants optional.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
