her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
