it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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