Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
