id be glad to
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
