I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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