Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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