sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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