I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
