Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
