Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
