I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
