Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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