I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
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