Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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