i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
