How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
