genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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