so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
