I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
