I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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