My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
