sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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