SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
