My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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