That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
