I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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