hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I yelled at your uterus for you.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
