Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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