Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
