i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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