i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
