you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
