this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
