I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
