just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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