She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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