I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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