I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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