Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
