I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
as a side note pls kill me
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize