matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
