I could make wine with my vomit
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
