well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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