This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I need a hoe opinion
go on
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
