I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
