i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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