I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
