he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
