i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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