im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
