I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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