pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize