U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
