from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize