I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
