yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
