she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
