I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
