I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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