And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
